someone played a trick on us

After highs reaching near 70 at the beginning of last week, we were surprised to see 5 inches of snow in our yard this morning. Eliza looked out the window and said, "Mom, I think the weatherman played a trick on us!"

My thoughts on Christ's Resurrection

In our church the members of the congregation are asked to speak in our Sacrament meetings (as opposed to a paid clergy). I was asked to speak last week, Easter Sunday, and my topic was The Resurrection. I thought I'd post my thoughts and talk online for anyone who cares to read it. . . beware it is a bit deep. If you have ANY questions you can comment to me or visit The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints webpage. I don't pretend to be a Bible scholar, but I do love Christ and His teachings. I am not at all offended if you don't want to read this--it is a bit of a departure from my normal, silly, not-so-serious posts!

My mother is a convert to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. She came from a family that went to church often and taught her the stories of Jesus from the Bible. When I’ve visited our family in Texas, I’ve been invited to attend church services with my Grandparents. This has expanded my horizons about other religions. One of the most important lessons I learned from these experiences is the deep love that so many people of many religions have toward Christ.

I often think of my extended family when I pass other Churches around town. It has been with pleasure that I have passed these meeting houses this week and read the topic of Sunday’s (today’s) service printed on the marquis outside. I’ve pondered how wonderful and significant the Resurrection of Jesus Christ must be if there are so many people around the world meeting in so many churches and discussing His Resurrection on this Easter Sunday. The Gospel Doctrine study manual for the New Testament relates the following story from Elder James M. Paramore:

“Many years ago … a writer for a newspaper was asked an important question, ‘What would be the most important news the world could receive? [The writer] thought and thought about the question, he talked to many people, and read all he could in an effort to find an answer for himself. And finally, he printed his answer, ‘To know that Jesus Christ lives today would be the most important news the world could receive. In fact, if He lives today, then we too will live eternally as He said.”

Imagine that. . . . . . .if you do indeed have a testimony of Christ’s Resurrection you may well have the most important news the world could contain. It is no wonder we celebrate Easter!! It is no wonder the Resurrection is the topic of so many sermons today. I guess it is also no wonder that I feel a little nervous about doing this topic justice for our ward today!!

If there is anything having children has taught me, it is that lecturing simply does not drive a point home very well! Although I’ve lectured my kids often about the virtue of telling the truth, it wasn’t until Brother Simmons told a story during Sharing Time about a young boy who was honest that my kids started telling ME why we should not lie. I guess that is why in our quest to teach children, we use stories to drive a point home. I am sure in many homes in our neighborhood this week, children have been reminded of the story of Christ’s Atonement in the Garden of Gethsemane, His death, and glorious Resurrection 3 days later. I will never forget Nikki Wankier relating the story during a lesson of one of her boys, Zakary, who was watching a church video about Christ’s Atonement. Just as I sometimes feel overwhelmed and emotionally drained when I’m reminded of His sacrifice, Zak Wankier did. But, he boldly told his mom, Nikki, “Mom, they forgot the happy part. . . .remember, Jesus lived again!”

Christ’s resurrection is a beautiful, wonderful story—but it is more than just a story with a happy ending. We literally believe the testimony of Christ’s apostles, Mary Magdalene, Cleopas who was taught by the resurrected Savior on the road to Emmaus, and 500 other people who saw the resurrected Christ on the shores of Galilee. Other testimonies of a living Savior are sworn by the martyr Stephen and the 2500 Nephites in the Book of Mormon who felt the prints in His hands and feet. In our dispensation, as Joseph Smith and Sidney Rigdon were translating lost truths from the Bible, they recorded a vision of God and Christ. In D&C 76 they swore that “He lives. (They) saw Him, even on the right hand of God.”

Although it is not likely we will personally see the living Christ in our mortal life, many have left a testimony of Him. If we pray and study earnestly and ask God in prayer, we too can gain a firm testimony of the truth of Christ’s literal Resurrection.

Elder Dallin H. Oaks said, “The possibility that a mortal who has died will be brought forth and live again in a resurrected body has awakened hope and stirred controversy through much of recorded history. Relying on clear scriptural teachings, Latter-day Saints join in affirming that Christ has “broken the bands of death” and that “death is swallowed up in victory. Because we believe the Bible and Book of Mormon describes the literal Resurrection of Jesus Christ, we also readily accept the numerous scriptural teachings that a similar resurrection will come to all mortals who have ever lived upon this earth As Jesus taught (during his mortal ministry), “Because I live, ye shall live also” (John 14:19).” (May 2000 Ensign)

The Book of Mormon clearly explains how Christ’s Resurrection has implications for our own. Although the wicked judge Zeezrom tried to confound Amulek into saying something contrary to the spirit of God, Amulek was not shaken. He clearly explained the implication of Christ’s Resurrection to us all. He explained, “Now, there is a death which is called a temporal death; and the death of Christ shall loose the bands of this temporal death, that all shall be raised from the temporal death. The spirit and the body shall be reunited again in its perfect form; . . . . . and we shall be brought to stand before God, knowing even as we know now, and have a bright recollection of all our guilt. Now this restoration shall come to all, both old and young, both male and female, both the wicked and the righteous.” (Alma 11:42-44) Jacob also explained the significance of Christ’s Resurrection. He said, “And (Christ) suffered this that the resurrection might pass upon all men, that all might stand before him at the great and judgement day.” (2 Nephi 9:22)

The assurance of Christ’s Resurrection also means that someday, we too will be resurrected. This has immense impact on how we should view this life!! If this life is a moment in time following which we will experience resurrection, then our death is an important transition from mortality to immortality. The knowledge that life will continue beyond death can help us put the challenges, trials, and annoyances of daily life into eternal perspective. Although the physical death of a loved one can be indescribably difficult, we know it is only a temporary death. We can look forward to a glorious reunion with our loved ones.

Some people on earth have physical afflictions and ailments that cause suffering which, at times, feels too hard to bear. When we think of the suffering of our Lord Jesus Christ we will remember that he suffered these ailments AND death. But in these times of despair, we can remember the dark and dismal Friday of His crucifixion was quickly replaced by elation and joy on Easter Sunday!! His body was made perfect—he had endured the worst life had to offer—even death itself-- and despite it, was made a whole and triumphant man!! There was a moment in my life when I plead with my Heavenly Father in prayer to help me tackle an affliction that I felt I was physically unable to conquer on my own. After wrestling with this problem for many days, I asked my husband to give me a blessing. I don’t remember all the words of this blessing, but I do remember my husband quoting the Savior. . Never fear. Be believing. “I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33) Our problems are certainly nothing to scoff at, but the Savior does not want us to wallow in pity or defeat—HE HAS OVERCOME THE WORLD! Just like Christ, we can and WILL get past the dismal “Fridays” of life till we triumphantly are made whole again.

In addition, sometimes our sins and weaknesses are difficult to face, let alone repent from. Satan would have us believe that our sins are no big deal—if they aren’t hurting anyone else, we don’t need to worry about them. Satan deceives us by encouraging us to hide or shove problems under the table. Satan would have us “eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die.”

With the knowledge that this life is only a step in immortality, we should boldly tackle our problems and sins—they won’t go away if we ignore them. In a mission to teach the wicked Zoramites about this principle, Amulek said, “For behold, this life is THE TIME for men to prepare to meet God; . . . . . for that same spirit will have power to possess your body in that eternal world.” (Alma 34:32, 34)

This scripture teaches us that if we have not been righteous in this life, we will not be righteous in the life to come. This principle is the key to Christ’s teachings. He taught us and modeled for us righteous behavior. He suffered for our sins so that when we fall, as we all do, the punishment has been paid for our misconduct. We honor Christ’s loving sacrifice by becoming better people. And as we repent from our sins, we prepare ourselves not fear death, but to face it hopefully, knowing that one day we too will be resurrected!!

The story of the Resurrection is remarkable and certainly one we should teach our children— it is the most important news the world has ever known because of its eternal implications. Although I’ve been reminded of the details of the story of Christ’s resurrection while studying for this talk, it is the eternal implication of the resurrection for myself that I have been reminded of which has made my studying truly significant.

my best haircut memory

My new friend, Melissa just told me she is visiting family in California and they have her set up to visit a great salon to get an "update." I was reminiscing with her about my favorite haircut memory so I'll share it with you!

One day I was complaining to D how ugly I was and how bad my hair was and blah, blah, blah. We were in the car and he turned around and zoomed into the lot of this ritzy, boutique-like salon. He says, "Go in and see if they have an opening." So I comply, and amazingly, they just had a cancellation.

So this "stylist" as she calls herself (big boobs with a low-cut shirt and about 3 different shades of brown, red and blonde in her hair) sits me in her chair, bends to my level (boobs hanging out of her shirt) and looks into my face. She pulls my hair back and says, "Yeah, this hair is doing nothing for your face-- we need to highlight your eyes." So without even asking me how I want to cut my hair, she goes to work. The whole time she is talking about lipo (she can't be over 35) and botox and laser-hair removal, and I am thinking, "Geez, I'm in over my head here." Well, after she's about done with my cut, she says, "You know, I went to California and I am a licensed eyebrow artist." Eyebrow artist? I didn't even know they needed school let alone a license. Then, without asking she starts SNIPPING my eyebrows!! Then she asks me if I have ever had them (my eyebrows) waxed. I say, "no" and she asks if I want them done. "Sure," I say. So she walks me back to the back--proceeds the sculpt my eyebrows and while she's at it, I ask, "Do you do lip waxes?" Oh yeah is her reply so I say "why don't you just get rid of my 'stache?" She does.

Then I am done. My hair is truly divine! My eyebrows are "sculpted" and my upper lip is hair-free. I get to the register and it is $50 for the cut, $15 for the eyebrows and $10 for the upper lip!! Yikes! That wasn't what I had planned on, but, hey, my HUSBAND is the one that picked the place out. D has his high school reunion that night, and I am am smokin'! The next day at church everyone comments on my hair and someone even notices my eyebrows.

I long for that experience again. In the meantime, I've got the scraggly, pony-tail 'do going on. I lost my tweezers last week so my eyebrows are growing in in a bushy sort of way. Sigh. There will be better days, there will be better days, there will be better days. . . . . . . .

Easter Egg Hunting Theories

I have recently been in contact with a friend from high school, Jon. Easter has just been upon us so I will relate to you his theories:

"I have this long drawn out theory that easter egg hunts are like a menagerie of adult life -- each kid's true colors and personality come out during the hunt. As an example, I was always the type of kid that put immense thought into strategizing how to collect the most possible eggs in the first burst of time so as to maximize my egg-take. And I would always get a lot of eggs, but then I'd see a few other smaller kids without any eggs and start to feel bad and give them a few. And then, inevitably, I'd learn that one of the smaller kids had scammed me and they were really hiding a huge stash someplace behind their parents or a bike. That's when I'd get really angry that I had been take advantage of and resole to strategize more next time to get the most eggs. And the cycle began again. I'm fundamentally the same way now as an adult: the classic accomidator. Willing to bend over backyard to make anyone happy, values relationships at all costs, but only to a point. When I've been taken advantage of one too many times I flip.

I saw my high school friend . . . . for lunch on Friday and he at first disabused my connection between easter egg hunt antics and adult behavior. But then he remembered what _he_ was like as a child on the hunt -- a consummate value-finder, he actually opened up each egg he found to see if the contents were worth keeping. If not, he'd throw it back and look for something better. That is to this day (and was when he was in high school) a pretty-near-perfect description of his personality."

I thought that was a pretty interesting theory, don't you? Unfortunately, the variables in my childhood hunts were somewhat doctored. We always did our hunt with the cousins at our house and field beyond. We all knew that when the hunt was over, the treats would be equally distributed. Therefore, the prize in my situation was the same for each child, regardless of strategy or luck or whatever. Having said that, I still remember comparing with cousins "how many eggs did you get?"

I remember getting the most satisfaction from finding the well-hid egg. In my mind, every egg was not created equal-- so though I may have made it out of the hunt with less eggs, I personally knew I had been the "cleverest" or worked the "hardest" if I found the egg under a rock or in a tree that everyone else had missed. How does this relate to my personality? Hmmmmm, I do take pleasure in accomplishing things that other people don't want to do or can't. Yeah, I guess I don't put much value on accomplishing chores that "anyone" can do-- you know like the dishes or laundry? Maybe this is why I've struggled at times with my worth as a stay-at-home mom?

What do you think? Can your childhood egg hunting behavior be extrapolated to explain aspects of your adult life?

More Hobbit Antics?

. . . . . . .if that wasn't annoying enough, I just changed the hobbit's diaper, and there was a yellow Polly Pocket shoe that had made a nice home in between his cheeks.

My Hobbit on a Rampage

I just found a new roll of toilet paper, a Hot Wheels car, a bouncy ball, and a sock in the toilet. Thank you so much for cleaning up the bathroom floor, Roger!

Roger the Hobbit

I can't help but laugh at little Rogie toddling all over the house. His legs are so short, his tummy is so round, and his smile is so big. He keeps doing the loop around the kitchen and living room. He gets off balance and leans on one leg. Occasionally he catches himself and leans to the other side. To me, this resembles a little drunkard. He gets this big grin like he is the coolest person in the world when he catches himself. I actually think he resembles one of those little baby hobbits from the Lord of the Rings movie. (note to self: check Hollywood auditions and see if they need baby for an upcoming movie. . . . .)

A poem

If losing an hour wasn't enough
I'm losing my head, daylight savings is tough.

I've three little children who watch for the moon
to tell them that bedtime is coming quite soon.
But now that we're charting an hour ahead
Those children will just not settle to bed!

Late bedtime is bad, something is possibly worse. . . .
We're sleeping so late that we're missing on Church!
9:00 A.M. comes so quickly for us,
there's no time to do hair, and breakfast, and fuss.

They say we are helping the environment out,
I still can't help but feel I just want to pout!
"DOWN WITH DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME" will be my bold cheer
Please join me in this-- maybe they'll forget it next year?

I should be grateful, I suppose

Although books told me that a baby would not experience separation/ stranger anxiety till about 9 months, I can swear that Eliza threw a fit in anyone else's arms from about 4 months on. It was with great joy and rejoicing that Roger reached the 4 month, 6 month, 9 month, and 12 month mark with nothing but smiles for everyone. He has been quite the hit with old and single ladies at church who frequently steal him during Sunday School so that I can focus on Primary.

So with a tear and groan I must report that he has recently become a momma's boy. Last night at Enrichment I put him down for a minute and walked around the table to talk to a friend. He immediately got this sick/worried look on his face and walked frantically in my direction. Another lady picked him up and he would have NONE of her. He quickly let his lungs be heard and my conversation was ruined! This morning as I was running on the treadmill, he screamed at me and tried to climb ON the treadmill till my workout was cut short (this may not be an example of separation anxiety, but it really made me mad!) Following the treadmill incident, as I got ready and walked in and out of the bathroom and my room, he was frantically following me and belting out protests.

Now, I know I should be thankful that he recognizes the woman who has been there for him from day one, but somehow I am having a hard time recognizing this love--it really feels like an annoyance! Why can't kids just let you be and snuggle with you on YOUR terms? Ahhhh, that would be a perfect world. Until then, I guess I should be grateful he wants me instead of shooing me out of the room like the twins do when they are playing a game that "mommys are not allowed" to play.

my how times have changed

Today I spent $51.33 filling up the van. I don't remember walking to school in the snow, uphill, both ways, BUT I do remember filling up my Ford Tempo in high school with a 10 dollar bill and having enough left over to get a soda. I guess I do have a story to tell my Grandchildren that will chill their bones--oh yeah, no one had email addresses when I was in high school either.

This is Interesting!

I found this at: http://www.funimg.info/2008/01/08/read-this/

This is Ridiculous

Last night a story in the news caught my attention: A woman had collected 8 or 9 dollars in coins and was taking her 3 girls to Wal-mart to drop the change in a Salvation Army bin. When she got to the store, her 2-year-old was asleep so she parked the car in the fire lane in front of the store, locked the doors, and turned on her hazard lights. She walked 20 feet to drop the change in the bin, took a few pictures, and as she made her way back to the car was apprehended by an officer for child endagerment. Her 2-year-old was taken under custody of child protective services and she was arrested. Now she's going to court. Ironically, when her husband came to the scene he found his other two daughters totally ignored by the police (and by the way, frightened to death by them), ALONE and shivering on the bench outside the store.

Child Endagerment? Give me a break. That little girl would have been more disturbed if she had been woken up! All moms know how important sleep is for little kids--not to mention the fact the car was in full view of mom the whole time. This mother "broke" the law (although that is even under debate) for using common sense? The laws that protect children from being left alone in cars are to protect those children who truly are being neglected and are in danger of being harmed.

What world do we live in that a mom who's teaching her children about giving to charity is classified as a criminal? When I think of the amount of money that was spent to investigate this woman by Child Protective Services (they found no evidence of abuse or neglect) and the money spent to prosecute this woman, I can feel the smoke coming out of my ears. This is evidence of our country over-legislating and nitpicking until common sense is taken out of the picture (note: cough medicine for children taken off the shelves because a few stupid people gave their kids too much).

As this woman is betrayed by the law, news anchors and columnists are debating why prostitution should be legalized. Where are our morals? Why aren't the legislators from Illinois standing up for a good mom (hello, Barack)? Someone with the power to help this woman needs to step in. The officers that arrested her should be disciplined. The DA that is prosecuting her should be fired. The law is there to condemn criminal activity, not trap honest, hard-working mothers who truly know when their child is safe or in harm's way.

What am I (a good mom) to learn from this story? Am I supposed to haul all my kids out of the car and into the weather just to drop Eliza off inside a building for dance? There have been times that Davis has begged me not to take him into the grocery store because I just had to grab a carton of milk. Honestly, he probably would have been just fine for a minute or two on his own in a locked car, but I can't even honor his wishes for FEAR of being classified as a terrible mother. When can a mom just rely on her instincts instead of being bullied and bossed by the "letter of the law?"

Here is a website with updates on this woman and her story: http://www.mahalo.com/Ellen_Treffly_Coyne

Busted by Davis

The Millars have been battling a nasty cold/cough/fever for the last week. The twins and dad got it early in the week, and Roger followed on Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday. . . . .will this ever end? Roger's symptoms include a raging hot fever, cough, nose spouting green snot, and the disgusting eye boogers that crust over and dry, thus rendering eyesight impossible due to glued-shut eyelids. He has been miserable, and so have I. Needless to say, I've carried the little guy EVERYWHERE because whenever I so much as think of putting him down, he begins an angry, crying, pitiful, somewhat-annoying (okay, totally annoying) protest.

I stayed up way too late on Saturday night setting up chairs for Primary, figuring out fliers for an upcoming activity, making phone calls, and squaring away Sharing Time. My late night was a big detriment in the morning-- I had also acquired the cold and I felt miserable. My wake up call was at 7:00 A.M.--Roger very graciously decided he wanted to start his bawling then. I felt like a zombie as I entered his room--my body hadn't adjusted to the hour jump forward in time so it might as well have been 6:00 A.M. I had to give Roger a shower to rid him of crusty eyes and I tried my best to get myself and the family dressed, but was failing miserably. Our church is an early 9:00 A.M. At about 8:30 Roger started to look tired, so I put him down for a nap. He gave in willingly.

The twins still weren't dressed and hadn't eaten breakfast (but had managed to turn on the TV, a big no-no (later in the day I discovered they had put in a church video cause they knew it was Sunday)) despite my efforts to plod them into action. I ran downstairs, turned the TV off, and informed them they needed to get ready right away. "But we're hungry," said Davis. "I want chocolate milk," piped in Eliza. My reply came, "Okay, hurry upstairs and I'll pour you a bowl of cereal while I get dressed. When you are done, please put your Sunday clothes on." They ate--very slowly, and before I knew it, it was past 9:00.

One thing my Dad instilled in me was a desire to be on time to functions. I remember Sundays as a teenager when my dad would give me a 5 minute warning that we were going to church. After the 5 minutes had elapsed, he shuffled us into the car, regardless of protests from my sister and me that we hadn't finished curling our hair. I hated it at the time, but now I have found I've become like him. I hate being late.

This Sunday was no exception, with an even greater enticement to be on time: Daddy was speaking in church with the EQ Presidency!! (of course the one Sunday he is home, he has early meetings and has to speak-- I don't know if I will ever get help on Sundays) I was stuck-- we weren't ready, Roger was sick and asleep, and I definitely wasn't feeling in top form either. I decided to chill out and help the kids with their hair and clothing selection and decided I would wake Roger up at 9:30 so we could run down the street and at least catch Dad's talk.

I don't know how the time got away from me, but before I knew it, it was 9:35 and I was getting over-anxious to get out the door. "Davis, Eliza, please put your shoes on so we can leave," I yelled as I hurredly packed the diaper bag. Eliza came upstairs crying that she couldn't find the match to her Sunday shoes. I ran downstairs and fumbled through her closet, and came to the same end--no match. I implored her to just wear the other ones but the cry-fest only got worse. By this time, Roger had started his sick wailing. I was at my wits end. I exploded, "D#%*!t, Davis, why don't you have YOUR shoes on?"

I immediately regretted my outburst. "Sorry guys, mommy shouldn't be saying those words." My mistake calmed things because of my guilt. We got things together, and FINALLY made it out the door. I walked into sacrament meeting 50 minutes late-- just as D was beginning his talk.

After the closing prayer, I made my way downstairs to the Primary Room. When opening exercises were complete, I was on for Sharing Time. The topic was repentance and the Atonement. I told the story of Alma the younger and the sons of Mosiah who had turned against their fathers and the church. After some fervent prayers from their fathers, and angel visited the young men and they were struck to the earth. After 2 days of being in a coma Alma awoke and told the story of the 2 days he was out of commission. He had been made keenly aware of his sins, felt horrible, but then remembered the teaching of his father about Christ and His atonement. He repented and later became a great leader in the church

At this point the 4-7-year-olds were really into the story. I tried to explain to them that Christ's Atonement was for each of us when we make mistakes like Alma did. I told them that the Atonement is much like Jesus serving our time-outs for us. As I explained this, I let the kids know that I had made many mistakes in my life, but knew that if I promised to forsake them I could be forgiven as well.

Davis took this most opportune moment to add to my comments, "Yeah, mom, you said a swear word today!"

Wow, busted. Instead of ignoring Davis, I decided to let the kids know that yes, I had made a big mistake today and it made me feel awful. I told them I was grateful for the Atonement.

Following Primary, a few teachers laughingly asked me what choice words had left my lips. . . . . . thanks, Davis for ratting me out! How many other Millar secrets will be unearthed by my kids?

Tales from the floor of the Burn Unit

I am slightly embarrassed (maybe intrigued) that I have been dwelling recently on the crasser aspects of our life. That being said, I still can't resist posting this:

Last month was a crazy one for us because D was working in the burn unit. Those of you living in or around Salt Lake might remember all sorts of stories on the news last month: explosion in Provo at a manufacturing plant, explosion of someone's house while they were lying in bed, and cancer-survivor dying of a particularly aggressive case of Streptococcus pyogenes (otherwise known as the flesh-eating bacteria). These patients were just a few that my husband was taking care of. He has worked crazy hours for the last four weeks mainly because the unit at the "U" is the only burn center located in Utah and the adjacent states, they've been down a resident since one quit in November, and the 12 beds in the unit were full (with 5 other burn patients littered around ICU's in the hospital). Man, it makes me tired just thinking about it!

Anyway, my first story involves a man who has been a patient in the unit for about 7 months. A fire at work left him with 80-90% of his body burnt. He has been healing slowly and had many skin grafts. D was taking out his tracheotomy tube because they were downsizing it (or something like that--I'm not the doctor), a job that generally causes the patient to begin coughing. True to form, this man began coughing and lobbed a huge phlegm-ball that landed right in my dear husband's mouth. He didn't tell me this story until today and I was totally grossed out! I am requiring him to gargle Listerine a few times before we kiss again.

My husband's nickname is "Happy D" and this has served him well with the nurses at the hospital--it is a good thing he tells me all about his new buddies (aka nurses, young and old), or I might be worried about a little hanky-panky on the side. He let me know that he scored big, once again, with the nurses when he asked them to "please" get a stool specimen from a 500 POUND WOMAN they needed to discharge (incidentally, for any of you who are aware of BMI's, this woman's was 80!). He needed the stool sample before she was released to check for a common opportunistic infection, Clostridium difficile, that occurs with patients who have been on antibiotics. The woman was constipated and needed a suppository. They were like, "Oh, D, come on, do we really have to?" He thought about it for a second and said, "Well guys, I ask you to do rectals all the time. I'll do it if you help me turn her." Word spread quickly that he was going to do this and by the time he arrived in her room 6 "helpers" had shown up. Two people flipped her on her side, two people were holding up each cheek from the top, and two were spreading a cheek from the side. D did the dirty work (he said it took a little digging-ew), and the sample quickly arrived. (sorry, for those of you who are queasy, I'm sure that story did it to you)

Well, it is 10:04 and I should be going to bed, but I am now reminded of another story told by my parisitology professor at BYU. This professor was brilliant--up for the nobel prize because he helped discover a way to culture malaria-- and was a masterful story-teller. He was doing research in Africa, I think, on a parasite that affects sheep. As you may know, most parasites are contracted via the fecal-oral route and are passed, you guessed it, via the stools. To obtain the stool specimen this professor would use a glass pipet to stimulate the sheep's, umm, rear-end. He became known for his great and efficient ability to collect samples, and one of his fellow students or scientists asked him how he did it. He told his friend. Apparently this friend didn't understand the mechanics of the manuever and inserted one end of the pipet into the sheep and the other end into HIS mouth and blew. His manipulation worked all too well--he took a huge shot of feces to the face.

And that folks, is my sign-off. Sweet dreams, okay?

our most recent fight

Right now D and I are arguing over a term that he has recently taught the children: anus (doesn't it just make you grimace seeing it written in print?). I am totally disgusted that my children actually know this word, let alone use it. D thinks it is absolutely wonderful that they are using the CORRECT anatomical term.

I am trying to convince him that other children's parents will not appreciate the Millars teaching their kids these terms--most people consider it crude. D says, "Well what am I supposed to tell Davis when he hasn't had a good wipe? He needs specific instructions!"

I have told him he will field the angry parent's calls. His comment is "Fine, when they call and ask if I have been teaching my children to say 'anus,' I will defend it by saying, 'at least my kid isn't saying 'butthole.'"

Please tell me I am right here!

Where's the "adventure?"

My cousin Gwendolyn had a wedding shower today that I helped with. On the way to the shower, I explained to the kids where we were going (a 'getting-married' party where you give away lots of presents). Eliza's gymnastics coach got married last summer so she understood everything perfectly. She explained to me that after they got married, they would go on an "adventure."

An adventure? Oh, she meant the honeymoon!