On Monday during Roger's gym class, another mom asked me about potty training. Her son will be 4 in a couple of months and she's having a devil of a time getting him trained. I gave her a few helpful tips (although I prefaced them with the fact that I have NEVER had a kid potty trained over the weekend, or in a week, or in a month, for that matter). She expressed some frustration with her mom and sister who had, if we basically boil it down, told her she is a terrible potty trainer and her son should have been potty trained a year ago.
My anwer to this comment was this: I have, in the past, dubbed myself a 'sleep-nazi' mom. When a mom has expressed concerns about their kids with napping and getting up at nights, my answer was always, you just need to let them cry it out. If their kid won't take a nap, they have obviously not let them lay down long enough to get to sleep. My motto was: Leave them alone, they'll go to sleep. My only problem with this is that I have recently proven my own assumptions are wrong. You see, Reed won't take a nap. For a couple of months now, I put him down for his nap and he plays for an hour, maybe two. I kept telling myself, "Just leave him alone. He'll go to sleep." But, alas, my own tried-and true methods don't seem to be working. I really think the kid has given up a nap! At 2 1/2 no less!
My assumptions have all been blown away. Maybe all those years I thought those mom's just weren't being diligent enough, I was wrong. Maybe all those years I thought they were too soft-hearted, I was wrong. I was wrong. I WAS WRONG?!?
Isn't it just natural to assume our way is the best way? Don't we all make little judgements every day. Lately, I've gotten frustrated that the same 10 people seem to be volunteering at the school. It is the same 10 people who've been volunteering since Kindergarten. Why don't the other parents step up? But with my new-found knowledge (sometimes, I AM WRONG), I can't help but wonder if my resentment is unfounded. Maybe those parents are working all day and can't spare a day off. Maybe those other stay-at-home moms are struggling with issues I can't even fathom. Maybe, I should just joyfully serve at the school and be grateful I am in a position to do so.
I mean, I've been the brunt of someone else's judgements. At a very uncomfortable work function for D last year, I got the cold shoulder by some other Dr.'s who didn't know what to say to me. I felt ignored. I felt like they were looking down on me because I don't work (for money, that is). I felt like they thought I was stupid, and a stay-at-home mom by default because I had no other talents. I wanted to get up in their face in their faces: I have a Master's degree in Microbiology!! I've written research papers!! I've had those same disgusting goggle lines on my face from hours in a chemistry lab!! I AM LIKE YOU!!
As I've been thinking about these judgements, I am forced to ask myself, "Do I have the same type of pride I accused those other's of having?" The answer, unfortunately is a resounding, YES! I have judged people based on their worldly accomplishments, too. I have labeled people just like I felt labeled. What is the matter with being a Mom- regardless of your pre-child resume? Am I somehow better than other Mom's because I went to college? It is uncomfortable to realize I am a decidedly imperfect being. I can't help but remember what my mom told me when I was a teenager, "If you can spot it, you've got it." I didn't understand what she meant then but, I am starting to. Any time I've made a judgement about someone else, it is because I, too, had the same imperfections.
Jesus Christ taught,"And why beholdest thou the mote that is in they brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?" (Matthew 7:3). A quick
search of this verse brought a very interesting translation:
And why beholdest thou the mote ... - A mote signifies any "light substance," as dry chaff, or fine spires of grass or grain. It probably most usually signified the small "spiculae" or "beards" on a head of barley or wheat. It is thus placed in opposition to the word "beam." Beam is the the word used here signifies a large piece of squared timber. The one is an exceedingly small object, the other a large one. The meaning is, that "we are much more quick and acute to judge of small offences in others, than of much larger offences in ourselves." Even a very "small" object in the eye of another we discern much more quickly than a much larger one in our own; a small fault in our neighbor we see much more readily than a large one in ourselves. This was also a proverb in frequent use among the Jews, and the same sentiment was common among the Greeks, and deserves to be expressed in every language.
I can hardly believe it has taken me over 30 years to actually apply this scripture to myself-- in specific circumstances. I've read it before. I thought I understood it. But I didn't think about myself and my own assumptions and judgements. I guess I should be grateful I am finally figuring this out, but honestly, I am sure I'm still holding on to lingering assumptions it might take me another 30 years to figure out I WAS WRONG!!
So to all you mom's out there who are having trouble of one kind or another and you think someone else doesn't understand, they probably don't (even if they are the neighborhood potty-training queen or sleep-nazi). Love youreself. Do your best. Try to do the same to another mom.
--Camilla
