Tissue Connoisseur

(Yes, first I should admit that I looked up the spelling of 'connoisseur' on dictionary.com)

I've had a cold for a week. Really, just the run-of-the-mill, average sniffles-but it has been enough to bring out my grumpy's.

I have learned one thing with this bout of sickness, though-- there is a real difference in nose tissues. Admittedly, I like to save a buck just like the next gal, so usually when I choose my tissue, I go for the generic brand. . . . .after all, the whole purpose of the tissue is to collect snot and other gross items for the sole purpose of disposing of them--to me, it seemed that cheaper was better for this task.

And yes, for the generic nose wipe, I'd have to say that a generic tissue does just the job, but sadly, as my cold progressed from one day to three I started to experience the red nose chaffing caused by repeated nose-blows over the space of a short time. Finally, by Cold, Day 3, I had run out of tissues and ran to the store. I grabbed a box of Kleenex, and as I was about to exit the aisle, I saw this:
A package of Puffs tissues. Now, normally, I might scoff at the 75 cent (or more) price inflation on this particular brand, but suddenly, as if in a out-of-body-experience, I am transported back to a memory of a Puffs commercial. These adorable little cartoons are in a similar condition as myself-- multiple tissue use has resulted in red, irritated nose. These poor little cartoons are told that puffs has drops of lotion in every tissue-to soothe such irritation. A Nose In Need Deserves Puffs, Indeed. And then, I am thinking, "Doesn't my nose deserve the best?" So, I pick up a box.

Now, I'd like to say that I got home and there really wasn't a difference in the Kleenex brand versus the Puffs, but I'd be lying. . . . . .those Puffs really were more soothing to my nose. So, I have decided that in future incidences of multiple-day colds, I will splurge and get myself the 'lotion-infused' paper.

Jelly Bellys

Did you know that they make Dr. Pepper-flavored Jelly Bellys? Seriously, that is sheer brilliance.

While I am on the topic of Jelly Bellys, what do you tell your kids when they eat a Cafe Latte or Cappucino-flavored bean, and they say, "Ew, that was gross. What was that?" And you reply, "Coffee," and then they start freaking out that we shouldn't drink coffee. . . . . .

Ughh

I went to a Relief Society Birthday Dinner last night. D was on call so I utilized the babysitting service by the Young Women (thank you so much girls!). I lingered too long considering it was a school night and pulled into my house after 8:30--- I try to get the kids down at 8:00 (keyword:try).

All I remember about getting into the house was carrying Roger in and telling the twins to hurry and get their jammies on so we could brush teeth. I don't remember who was the last one out of the car. . . . . .

Then, this morning I look out the window and dum. dum, dum the van door is open and IT HAS SNOWED in the night. There is a layer of frozen snow all over the floor and seats--arghh!!! I have a pretty good idea of which of my children has a habit of leaving the doors open. . . .but, I think she'd feel really bad if I started accusing her-- after all, it could have been me, right?

The Tale of the Abandoned Locker-pants

Last week while I was doing laundry, I pulled out a pair of black Dockers--kindof dressy (D size). I didn't remember ever seeing those pants before. So I asked D if he had bought some new pants (you know, in all his free time I figured he must have run to Sears--nothing calms the wary soul like an afternoon of retail therapy).

"Oh, yeah. You see, I've been seeing this pair of pants, a white dress shirt, and a tie in the same locker for over two years at the hospital. Every time I saw them hanging there I figured they had been forgotten, but I finally pulled them out and looked at the size--turned out they would fit me. I think by now the owner has long-since left the University, and they wouldn't mind if I adopted their pants and tie."

"You took the tie too? Did you take the shirt?"

"No, that's just too weird to be wearing around someone else's dress shirt." (???? but not the pants????)

So, for any of my out-of-state med school friends, ask your husband if he left some Dockers, a shirt, and tie at the hospital. If so, we'd be glad to send them your way--I even washed them. If the owner remains anonymous--thanks for the new outfit.

I am going Private

I'm going private. If you'd like a viewing invite, please leave a comment (with your email address, that's how it identifies you) or email me: camillamillar@gmail.com

P.S. Lots of people are asking me why private? I am just getting tired of checking my sitemeter to make sure there aren't any weird child stalkers (truthfully, that is why I haven't been posting pictures lately).

You know you're a mom when. . . .

you cut your finger and the only Bandaid you can find in the house is Thomas the Tank Engine, Barbie, or Mr. Incredible. . . . .

Good Thing

It is a good thing that warm weather is on the horizon-- and with it comes the days of slip-ons and flip-flops. I am having a harder and harder time bending over to tie my shoelaces.

Baddest Day

A few days ago I was sitting upstairs, chatting with a friend, when a very panicked scream came from downstairs. It was Davis, "MOOOOOOOOOOM, I pooped my pants--it's diarrhea!"

Just as I am thinking, "Oh great, this is the last thing I want to deal with right now," D walked in. When he walked into the kitchen, I deceptively asked, "Davis is screaming about something (ha ha, something) downstairs. Could you go see what the problem is?"

D made his way downstairs and after a while came up to announce that he had done the deed, helped the boy (it was not pretty, so I hear--I guess this one really snuck up on Davis--but I am also convinced that his eyes being glued to the Wii did not help him recognize that it was a liquid, not a gas).

D let me know that while he was helping Davis out, Davis asked, "Dad, when you were a boy, did you ever poop your pants?"

"No, Davis, I did not. I used the toilet when I needed to."

That wasn't what Davis wanted to hear. I guess he wanted to commiserate with Dad. "Oh. . . . . . . This is the baddest day of my life, isn't it?"

AHHHH!!!!

I've got my Dr. appointment today, so I thought I'd step on the scale so I'd be prepared for the visit--you know, no shockers or anything. To my surprise the number on the scale read:

277.5 lbs

So, either I've gained over 100 pounds in the last four weeks, or it is broken. . . . . .I knew I'd regret that cheesecake I ate on Sunday.

Dear HBO,

I have just heard that you will be airing portions of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints temple endowment ceremony during one of your shows.

If your writers truly had 'thoroughly researched' this practice, you would know that any Mormon currently involved in polygamy would not participate in the temple endowment. Your writers are getting their information from sources who have been expelled from the church-- how could you possibly make such a mistake without the intent to inflame hurt and mock practices that some people consider sacred?

It is wrong to publicly air such ceremonies without the written consent of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. . . .though your actions show that you choose to ignore this fact. As writers and members of the entertainment industry you should consider it a responsiblity to depict controversy in truth, rather than half-truths couched in innuendo. Though your writers, staff, and actors may not be involved in religion and understand the purpose or meaning of religious practices such as these, there are many people who consider temple ordinances to be deeply personal--not something to provide entertainment to the masses (particularly when the information is obtained from sources who have had a 'problem' with the church that they want to air publicly).

Furthermore, I will boycott your channel (and, in particular, this show) and invite my friends, neighbors, and coworkers to do the same.

I strongly urge you to cut these unnecessary scenes from your show out of respect to the millions of members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints who consider such public airing an offense and a mockery to their religious beliefs.