Diaper Duty

I guess I was thinking about the crasser things in life today (see post below) and couldn't get this thought out of my head. Don't read it if you have a weak stomach.

Do any of you have friends that say, "I am not ready to have kids. Changing diapers really grosses me out." Yeah, I'd have to agree: diaper duty is probably one of the worst parts about babies and toddlers.

But there is good news: the grossness really sneaks up on you. Yes, for the first few months of life, your little baby's poop has virtually little to no odor. It is cute little yellow poop that basically looks like Grey Poupon (poupon, get it?). You don't even realize it is gross until the inevitable blow-out. For those of you who don't know, a blow-out occurs when by some will of anti-gravity, the babe's liquid yellow poop migrates up his/her back and covers most of the surface area of the babies' body. This is, of course, why onesies were invented. You see, the simple white and glorified leotard (with convenient snapping access at the bottom) holds in the blow-out thus allowing the parent to salvage cute pink and blue outfits that would otherwise be ruined.

Slowly, over time, the yellow and less offensive poop begins to morph-- is is less cute and becomes more brown. It's the really human, solid food that initates the transformation. Before you know it, your kid's diapers are stinky. You find yourself wiping someone else's brown bottom-- a task you never before thought you'd stoop to. But there is a bright side: remember that saying, "a face only a mother could love?" There is actually a parallel: "poop only a parent can tolerate." Yes, it's true. Though the poop is gross, somehow as a parent you become immune to it's overall disgustingness. If you are required to change another kid's diaper-- your gag reflex kicks in and you think this truly must be the worst poop on earth. Somehow, you find yourself analyzing the odor and color. Why is his poop so green (or orange or yellow or brown)? Are those raisins? Ugghhhh, what am I doing?

Yeah, somehow your kid's poopies are just not as bad as your friends' kids. You know that feeling when you walk into the library and some child has a messy? Inside you are thinking, "Why doesn't his mother go change him? He is contaminating the entire board book section with that offensive odor!" Contrast that response with yours when your child's stinky diaper doesn't seem so important to change. You are in the grocery store trying your hardest to get the shopping done in a half-hour. Your child's smell just doesn't seem that bad. . . . . . certainly not something to tackle before you hit the register.

So, for you people out there who can not fathom the thought of diaper duty in the future. I say, "cheer up!" Your kid's poop will smell better than everyone else's kids. Really, I am not kidding!! It is a physiological response to becoming a parent-- selective nostrils. That is, until, they are potty trained. Then, when they forget to flush and you walk into the bathroom, you will realize the full power of formerly inocuous odor.