I must admit, this creepy little thought has entered my mind a lot in the last few weeks: Did I peak too early? I mean, I used to think I was pretty hot stuff: I'd finished 2 degrees and had 2 children by the age of 25. After the twins turned one, I taught classes at a liberal arts college. I held down a church calling, and was a member of a monthly card exchange (I made 20 hand-made cards a month).
In the last 2 years, I quit teaching, quit my card exchange, rarely pull out my scrapbook supplies or play the piano-- what am I doing with my life????? I felt totally busy this week because I had something every morning which required me to get dressed by 9:00 A.M--doctor appointment , volunteer at school, visiting teaching, babysitting . . . .you know--really demanding stuff which required a lot of brain power and stamina!?!
So, I know you are thinking that my house must be pretty rockin' since I have very few other distractions, but, sadly, I made curtains 3 months ago that haven't been hung, my laundry room is exploding with clothes that need to be folded, and my bathroom is in need of a wipe-down. . . . yep, I'm feeling pretty discouraged today wondering what I am doing with my life-- amazingly, I still feel VERY busy all the time.
I know, I know, in my defense my husband is rarely around and at least I read to my kids everyday. We all are generally showered, and I have been known to give a pretty fun Sharing Time every now and again. . . .but still, I feel a little down.
Does anyone else feel this way? Did I really peak too early?
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15 comments:
I can imagine how you must feel. I've thought about that coming up in my life. Right now I'm teaching, coaching, taking classes here and there, and staying busy. But I wonder how my life will change with this baby coming. All of the sudden life won't just about me and my progress any more.
I'm sure you didn't peak early! You're just climbing another peak...called raising a great family.
You're not alone. Everyone has those feelings. At least I certainly do. And this is coming from someone who told her younger brother she was a "real catch." Ha! You'll see the pay offs of everything down the road.
I am much like you in this. I will honestly tell you the thought that came into my mind when I read your post, and I think it was a lesson for me as well: "No, you didn't peak early. You just peaked at the stuff that YOU wanted to do. Now you're peaking at the stuff Heavenly Father wants you to do." Wow. I think that's true. Sometimes what we want gets left undone while we're learning other things.
Very typical feelings of a stay-at-home mom. It's an emotionally demanding job and it is exhausting! The only breaks we get is to do something else.
I hear ya. There are some days that I look back at it and think, "what did I do today? Nothing worth mentioning." I feel better by trying to remember that my kids' lives are better for the sacrifice and that I'm lucky to get to stay home. I forget that lots of working moms would give anything to be in our shoes. As for a messy house- we all have them. I saw a sign once that said, "Excuse the mess. I'm enjoying my kids." You kids will remember your time more than a clean laundry room.
Camilla, I am FINALLY coming out of the frustration that came with feeling like I in the middle of doing nothing all the time, and Josh is 12. The years we raise children ask for much sacrifice. It is ok to have these years, even though they're nasty hard and sometimes mindless.
And I'm beginning to feel like myself again! It's amazing! So don't worry too much. You'll be peaking again (even higher) in no time. Or in a few years, anyway. :)
Aww, Camilla. I'm sorry you are feeling that way. I think that every mother and maybe every person can relate in their own way. No I don't think you peaked to early! I think you have accomplished so much and you still have much more to accomplish. Life just ebbs and flows. It's just one of the many stages. And stages being what they are, it's temporary. Things will change and you'll be in a new stage with new circumstances and new responsibilities before you know it. You're awesome Camilla. Don't get down on yourself. I'm impressed that you are "generally showered" and getting dressed most days. I can't say that for us over here right now.
I can't help but think this is what happens when we are smack in the middle of husbands who we love but miss because they are ALWAYS working (year after year) and our kids are so young. I understand what you are feeling, I really do. Sending you hugs.
Amen! I was having this conversation with myself the other day too. I've also basically cut out all the extras from my life in the past little while too - I pulled out of my card club, I stopped doing my store here in Parker, have too much laundry piled up on my bedroom floor, and too many papers -who knows what they are- piled on my computer desk. The conclusion I came to the other day was, there is a time and a season. This is the season for complete chaos and just getting through the day. One of these days Mike will finish school and his crazy work schedule, and actually be home once in a while, I won't have a mess to pick up every time I turn around, the kids won't need to be watched like a hawk every second, and I will have a chance to get back to all those things I want to do. As crazy as it is, and with how constantly behind we feel, I know you too really love what you do. Sometimes we just need a little reminder that we do love it. :) I'm right there with you, I know how you feel. At least you know you are definitely not alone!!
I feel this almost every day! I miss you! I wish we could talk face to face about this kind of stuff!
Wow, you put my fear into words. Sure, it's lame being single, but I worry that once I'm not single anymore, I will feel like I have a boring failure of a life.
True 'dat.
I feel the same way.
I don't have any amazing comment or advice, just a hug for you, cuz we all have been there (and I only have 1 little one LOL).
Luckily women can peak multiple times--i think the next big one comes when your youngest is born and in school? Hmmm . . . about once a month i peak when i put dinner in the crock pot and it's cooking by 10 a.m. Ah, what a thrill of victory!
Compared to the 80 + years i'm planning to live this time is short short short--where did my first baby go anyway? It's just the days that are sometimes long . . . but i only have a few short years to bind them to me in love so i'll suck it up and keep investing in quality chocolate. ; )
I think it's good to remind yourself of when you succeeded in ways that could be measured so carry on!
"To do carefully and consistently many small and simple things is not a small or simple thing" - a great quote for all moms out there who may feel they don't contribute much any more because it's not "big" contributions.
Thanks Steph for your comments - great thought. Chin up Millie! You're all good!
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