Not being able to say "no" is truly one of my biggest weaknesses--but I also think it can be a strength. I have been countlessly blessed by the many service activities, callings, assignments, and other sorts of things that I've said "yes" to.
I enjoy volunteering in my kid's classroom and learning the names of their classmates, I enjoy making meals for mom's who introduce me to their newest arrivals on earth, I like to chat with other people when I set up or take down some activity or another, I felt stretched an enriched by a year-long service post I took up as a board member for the medical school students' spouses alliance. I don't mind volunteering to make invitations for this party or that--it is an excuse to pull out my supplies that are gathering dust. I even enjoy the happy sounds of dancing, singing, and other noises generated by my chidren's friends and our neighbors.
But, I've got to admit, some days, being a "Yes Man" is just plain-ole taxing. This evening I came home to a well-intentioned call from an amazing lady in our ward who is charge of the Stake Choir. She was asking to see if I would be able to attend a few practices this week for the choir for Stake Conference (a semi-annual meeting of several of the local congregations in our church) because they needed a few more Altos.
My gut reaction is to directly call this woman back and say, "Of course, if you need me, I'll be there." But then I got to thinking. . . . one of the practices is tomorrow evening-- D's only night off in the last two weeks. He is so often at work or at meetings at night, I would really like the cherish his one night off-together. Second objection: D is working next Sunday during Stake Conference. This would mean in order for me to sing in the Stake Choir, I would have to enlist the help of some other couple/ teen/ yes-man to sit with me and my kids for two hours and keep the kids engaged while I joined the choir on the stand--and probably fight a complaing Roger who would cry and want to follow me up to the stand, thus disrupting the meeting (I usually take my kids to the "cry room" where they pipe the talks in and my kids don't disrupt everyone else). My final objection would be that I would have to get my kids dressed and ready and to a choir practice which would likely come an hour before the actual meeting. . . .is this undo-able? No, not undoable, just uncomfortable. . . .
So with all these reasonable objections to service, I still feel guilty saying no. I know my voice could lend a hand to a choir in need. BUT, a girl has to say no sometime, right? I wish life wasn't so complicated!
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10 comments:
Ahhh, Camilla, I can relate. And it sucks. Just remember, just because you CAN doesn't mean you should. I know, I know, easy to say.
Ohhhh, we are so alike!!! I can't tell you what to say. It's easy from an outsider's point of view to tell you to say NO, but I know what you're going through! I'll take your kids ANY time for practices if you go that route!
Camilla, it's so ok to say no. It's GREAT to say no. Your family sometimes NEEDS you to say no. I wish I'd learned this lesson years and years ago. I'm still not GREAT at saying no, but I'm way way better.
And there are times and seasons. You're going to have plenty of opportunities to sing when your family is not quite as stressed. I'm seeing that now. I promise that THIS part of motherhood gets easier (but then there are the other challenges...ha ha ha.)
are you kidding me??? NO was defininitely the right answer. That would be too complicated otherwise. AND... you need the time with your hubby when he is actually off!
do not run faster than you are able! Remember that talk from President Beck about Mother's Who Know. They do less so they have more energy for their children and family. That talk is AMAZING!
I have been going to the Stake Choir practices, and even though your lovely voice will be missed, we will do fine without you. No need to feel bad!!
that is sooo hard!! and of course the right thing to do is say no! What would God want you to do? Would he ask you to do _____ or would he love that you had the strength to say no? I think he is Every Bit as proud of us for saying No as he is for when we accept calling - and if it is hard for us to say No I think he is even more proud of us when we do!
I had someone ask me once - if you saying No to that person was the only way for them to "find God" would you do it? If you saying no triggered other events that stretched her to her limit, OR what if your saying no meant she had to reach out to a less-active woman in the ward/stake? what if your saying no was her way back to church - because she was needed?
I know these are a little extreme, but my point is that if you open your heart - and know that the best thing is to say no, then we never know what Awesome things can happen.
So you did say no? I hope so! You have me totally convinced that the right answer this time is "no."
Good for you! When we moved one of my goals was to learn to say no. I have done some research and it is very encouraging to find out how/when it is better for everyone--and some creative ways to do it. At the least i am working on saying "let me think about it" first. Then it is easier to make an informed decision. Choir was hard to give up though--but my kids will be so old soon that they won't want to hang out with me all the time and then i'll miss it. Well, maybe not the 2 year old puking all over the bathroom this morning, but probably the rest of it. : ) Carry on!
I like Lisa's idea of "Let me think about it first." That's great. I used to always say yes, so I know how you feel. You could always just not return the call, then you don't have to tell her "no" and hope she doesn't call back.
Seriously with D gone for Stake Conf, that would be TOO much! Soon (although it doesn't feel like it) your kids will be old enough for you to participate in the choir and not feel bad about leaving them in the congregation.
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