A Daughter of God

My Eliza is a work in progress.  Responsible. Smart. Talented.  Sensitive to other's feelings. A GREAT big sister. And Whiny. Very, Very Whiny.  If she gets a paper cut, she cries.  If she's tired, she cries.  If she doesn't get her way, she whines.  If I take her to the store to buy new shoes and she can't find any that fit her, she cries like her favorite dog just died (and no, we don't have a dog, and yes, she did just that 2 weeks ago).  I can not figure out how such a smart girl somehow loses her ability to communicate and reverts to whimpering when her emotions overflow, but it happens daily.  As soon as she gets upset, the waterworks start.  All reason departs.  I hate to point this out because based on the lists I just gave you, her 'great' qualities really do outweigh the 'bad' ones, but sometimes it doesn't feel like it.

Yesterday, as I was driving the kids to gym, Eliza did something she's never done before.  She was upset about something (I forget what it was now--yes, the brain cells are disappearing), and I was clenching my jaws, just waiting for the explosion.  Miraculously, she got 'the look'- I'm about to start crying, watch out- and then, somehow, calmed herself.  I was flabbergasted.  I mean, this girl pulls out a whine EVERY SINGLE DAY and here she was, calming herself.  We've had many discussions about controlling our emotions- and by that I mean many, many lectures after a tear-fest- and finally she actually was acting her age, instead of like her three-year-old brother.  I lavished her with praise and told her how proud I was of her grown-up reaction.

And later I thought, "Wow, she is really growing up,"  but before I thought that for too long, I came to watch her at gymnastics.  She was doing great, until, they started doing leg-ups. On her second set, her face started getting red.  It was clear she was tired.  Very, very tired.  Then the waterworks started.   Although I am aware she is probably among the fittest 1% of 7 year-olds and what was being asked of her was extremely difficult (at the end of a 2 1/2 hour workout, no less), I was still disappointed.  Why was she, yet again, turning to the waterworks instead of telling her coach that her muscles hurt??  Why wasn't she using her keen mind to express how she was feeling instead of letting emotions take over?? 

Then all the doubts you have as a mother come to play.  Am I pushing her too hard?  Do I expect too much from her?  Is my perception of 'her problem' really an outward manifestation of my pushy mothering?  I've been thinking and pondering about this. . . .

I'm not quite sure I know the answer yet.  I know as a parent, sometimes your children want to take the path of least resistance.  I know so many people who say, now, as adults they wished their parents had pushed them to continue piano lessons, or to try-out for that play, or  . . . . .whatever.  As a parent it is hard to know when your kid is just being a kid and you must to ignore their whines and help them continue.  Most kids have a day when they BEG not to go to school, but as a parent you tell them they HAVE to go. School is the easy one.  Everyone knows you just gotta do it.  But, this is different.  Am I helping her to learn to stick to things that are difficult, or am I damaging her trust in me and her own feelings?  Or is she just crying because at home I usually give-in to the whines?

I know people say kids do not come with an instruction manual.  Wouldn't life be easier if they did?  Part of my growing process is to learn about my children's desires and talents and help them cope with their sadness and shorcomings.  I wish I could just have a crystal ball and make sure my parenting decisions are helping my kids.

On the plus side, I am so grateful for my testimony and knowledge that I am a literal daughter of God.  I have felt a warm spirit envelope me with love which has told me that God is looking out for me. I have felt this love in times of prayer, and I have felt His love while listening to the words of his prophets. He loves me.  And if I know he cares about me, then I know he cares deeply about my children.  He wants me to succeed.  He wants us all to succeed.

So, although I might not know exactly if Eliza's actions are really signifying two steps forward or two steps backwards, I know that I have the resources and help, most notably the power of prayer, to help me as I try to raise a happy, contributing little member of society--namely my little girl. . . . .and her brothers, of course.