As I was walking the kids to school today, Eliza cried the ENTIRE time. Why? First she left her backpack at home and then forgot to bring shoes to change into at school (she hates wearing her snow boots around). Please keep in mind that she has inherited both of her parent's loud voices and to top things off--she still sounds a little like Minnie Mouse when she talks. Thus, the screaming is very piercing.
I was getting annoyed by the crying and all the other kids were bothered, too. I gave Eliza a warning that if she didn't stop crying, I would take one of her presents away from the tree. After two warnings, she didn't stop and I told her that I would be taking away a present. She could earn it back by helping me with neighbor gifts this afternoon. Still, the crying would not relent. . . . . .by the time we reached school, she had lost 3 gifts and was saying she wished that she didn't have to go to school, and she hated school, and she hated her snowboots-blah, blah, blah. The crying persisted after I left her in the coatroom and her teacher came to rescue her.
So now I am left wondering if I was a good mom or a bad mom to take away presents. It was only crying, after all. I suppose her punishment was built in to the source of her crying-an uncomfortable day in boots at school. I was punishing her for not being able to control her emotions--a problem I, too, struggle with.
Life was so easy when the kids were babies. I knew I was a good mom if they were fed, diapered, and clothed. Even as children reach toddlerhood, the basics of being a good mom are simple and revolved around taking care of life's basic necessities. Now, things are getting so complicated. When discipline is involved, I am not always sure if I came down to hard or too lightly. Giving in to a whine here or there has no immediate damage, but will ultimately teach the kids the wrong lesson about how to ask for things they want. . . . .Arggghhh, I don't even have teenagers yet!!
UPDATE: I picked Eliza up from school--smiling and cheerful. Apparently the morning incident had left her mind. I'm glad she hadn't been stewing about it like I had for 3 hours . . . . . she cheerfully helped my make 20 cheeseballs and very diligently helped shovel snow and now her presents are back under the tree. I think I was the one that needed to learn a lesson in patience here.
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14 comments:
Is it comforting to know you're not alone in this??? We do need to do dinner and we need to tell Adam Happy Birthday some time. Let's talk to Bonnie! Hope you have a GREAT day!
Oh, I so agree with you. I am caught up in the nightmare of whining day and night. Half the time the whining starts before I have even had a chance to say yes or no. Lesson--Don't give in to even little whines because you will end up in a place where it seems that the kids normal voice is a whine.
I feel your pain. Been there, done that. I think part of the frustration as a Mom is when you come up with a consequence like taking a Christmas present away you absolutely expect that to work. And when it doesn't you/I get even more frustrated. And by then I've already committed to the punishment. ARGH!!
My mom taught me to pray for appropriate guilt, because as mother's we feel guilt no matter what choice we make. We will be better mother's if we don't have the guilt cloud following our every move, yes?
We are learning, too.
Hey! I found your blog through Jamie's and now I blog stalk ya. Sorry!
I think the fact that you're even concerned with how well you're parenting says you're a good mom. All you can really do is you're best and hope to learn from things that did or didn't work. You're kids are kind, respectful, smart kids. That says a lot.
Oh, and I LOVE that picture at the top. So freakin' cute!
Just happened upon your blog and I love it. Your children are beautiful... must be the blond hair... mine are all blond too and I find myself loving the blondies I see. Anyway, the ear piercing screaming... that's gotta be a girl thing, mine can hit higher notes than I thought even existed.
You're always a good mom, you just have bad moments (because the kids have bad moments) :) I think you should follow through with what you said would happen- 3 presents are taken away. You were punishing her for not controlling her emotions (which yes, you and I both have a VERY hard time with- remember the petri dish?) but she also needed to learn to be responsible for her things herself, ie her shoes and backpack, etc. Coralee does the SAME thing! FREAKS out if she forgets her pencil or her hat, etc. but I will not be responsible for a 6 year olds personal non-necessary items! She needs to learn that if it is that important to her, she'll remember (Eliza and Coralee both!) I'm glad I'm not the only one with a daughter who acts just like me sometimes!
i think you are wonderful!!! i am having the same kind of day only it is cayden. you can only take so much...
i guess she will be a big help to you this weekend to earn them back!;)
love ya
Crying or fussing just drives me over the edge. Crying can be a good (I do it); I don't want them to think that they can't ever cry, but at the same time, I don't want to hear it. I've been trying to tell them, "If you need to cry that's fine, but go in your room and come out when you're done. Only cry to me if there's blood." It kind of works sometimes. You can make her walk ahead of or behind you next time. We had tantrums in Toys 'r' us today- bad day for everyone- yeah!
Oh, Camilla, it sounds so familiar. Poor Eliza and poor you. Mornings like that always make me grateful for God's grace to make up for what I can't figure out.
Thanks again for helping with Kate today, and for the yummy treat! I so appreciate it.
That picture of your kids is beautiful! Congrats on the next one!
Wow, you hit the comment jackpot on this post! :)
I often do what you did, and I don't think it's bad. Having said that, I have found that the most EFFECTIVE solution to non-stop crying is to ignore it. I often just send them to their room and tell them to come out when they're done (obviously not possible on the way to school), but I've noticed that it sometimes just has to run its course, and then all is forgotten. I guess we're the same way too with our own moods.
Bad, Bad mom.
I'm going to take YOUR presents away- those snowboots you wanted.
"...punishing her for not being able to control her emotions..." I do that with Julia all the time! I know I need to be more patient and understanding, but it's hard to tell where that line is.
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