My good friend Bonnie doesn't really think twice about a visit to the ob/gyn. She just knows everyone has to do it, and the doctors' have seen it all--the good, the bad, and the ugly. She knows she just falls somewhere in between (hopefully not on the spectrum of the ugly).
I wish I could be like that. I think it is quite possible I overthink the situation entirely. Last night I was in the shower scrubbing and shaving away (sorry to you men out there who just read that). "Really," I thought to myself, "Am I doing this right? Have I sufficiently prepared myself to bare (no pun intended) these precious, private parts to a total stranger?" What about a careful trim--does that just look ridiculous? Does it look like I am trying too hard if I slather myself with lotion? And really, what would I being 'trying too hard' to accomplish? To not look like some freak of nature, I suppose. I mean, it is not like most of us are intimately aquainted with that part of each other's bodies, so how do I even know if I am normal or not?
I don't think there is a how-to book about preparing for said yearly exam. For instance, do you talk to your doctor while he is, uh-hmm, placing the speculum (ahh, can you believe I said that)? When is small talk okay? If you engage in small-talk, do you come across nervous? Or silly? Or just like a woman who doesn't know when to shut up? I am uncertain about the laws of etiquette in such a strange situation.
I mean, when does real-life ever prepare you for this? "Hi, I'm Dr. Sharp. Nice to meet you."
"Yes, nice to meet you. I am Camilla." The conversation continues for a few minutes while Dr. Sharp answers all of my burning questions (fortunately, today my questions were not literally burning questions) and then politely asks me to, well, spread 'em. Yep, that was 5 minutes from hello--seriously must be a record.
When I was younger, I thought that booking a female gyn might make the situation better--but, sadly, I must declare I was equally uncomfortable. There is just something very odd about the whole thing.
In the meantime, I am just glad I got that one over with today and unfortunately will have to accept this uncomfortable scenario as one of the more unpleasant parts of being a woman.
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11 comments:
I heart Dr. Sharp!!
He delivered both of my babies!
First off Congrats on baby #4. I 'm so happy for you guys!!!!
You make me laugh so hard case i think all the same things & ummmm hello my husband is an OB and I wonder if he thinks i have normal parts!!! :) LOL
You definitely overthink it!!! Wow! Didn't D do an OB/GYN rotation? Brian has eased my nerves about b/c it seriously is just one slice of bread after the other to the doctors. Brian did LOTS of OB/GYN (it was actually his back-up plan to cardiology he liked it so much) and he only ever made one comment about a patient who covered him in cottage cheese mucus from you know where. Yes, I said it. But seriously, as long as nothing like that is going on, and especially if you're pregnant, you should remember it's their job and they don't remember you or talk about you or rate you or anything like that!!! Serious! I think I'm just weird b/c I actually prefer male OB's- I don't know why- they don't chit chat as much and you know me- I'm not a chit chat kind of gal. Just get it over with!
Haha, I think all of us women have had those thoughts!
It might comfort you to know that I saw a lot of "parts" working in Labor and Delivery and everybody looks pretty much the same down there. No one stands out in my memory.;)
Last time I was prego, I remember thinking "This is a nice little break!" I also thought that about traffic school. Kinda sad, really.
Take a book or magazine next time.
This post absolutely cracks me up! It's so true. It did remind me about the "model" Dan had that was shaven with the spider tattoo there.
I remember years ago Oprah having a gyn etiquette show because she didn't know what she was supposed to do. Oprah asked things like, "Are we supposed to keep our socks on or take them off." She had so many questions. It was a funny/informative show.
OOO...yuck. I hate going to the ob.
Camilla, CONGRATULATIONS! I'm very excited for you. As far as the appointment goes, you described what almost every woman does and goes through I bet.
And to answer your question, I don't bother with small talk. I'm not into having conversation with someone who is where they really shouldn't be and so I can't even fake it.
TMI, TMI, I'm so glad that I'm a guy!
Oh so funny. I stay away from the small talk but will admit that I like male OBs more than female. Whether it's true or not, I feel like they are kinder because they don't know what it's like whereas a female Dr. is just like "yeah, whatever, we all go through it, suck it up . . ."
Coming from one who has seen many, many vaginers, a little scrubbing and trimming is greatly appreciated.
I like to ask him what he is doing step by step. Keep it medical.
For a moment, when you were talking about Dr. Sharp, I thought you were imagining Adam Sharp doing a pelvic on you and I was busting up.
Congrats on the embryo.
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